I have been wondering why I had been feeling disheartened all day... I was sorting through my beads stash trying to clear my mental block when I realised I have been feeling disheartened since yesterday when I saw a post by a friend on Facebook.  

This is what was posted 'Being a mum makes a woman complete.' 

When I saw this post, a momentary flicker of doubt went through my head. Am I not a complete woman then because I have no children?

Quite quickly though that doubt vanished!!!  :-)   Instead of feeling doubt, the feeling of sadness overcame me. Not because I am not a 'complete' woman but because some women, no matter how modern they think they are, are still caged by the belief that women are not 'complete' until they have gone through all the stages of womanhood : girl, woman, wife, mother and possibly grandmother.

I am very sure that my friend didn't mean any harm by that statement. She probably said that because of the joy she felt at being a mum.  But that statement has disheartened me. Do some of my friends pity me because I am not a mum, that I have not gone through the torture of childbirth, or that no children would call me 'mum'?

Do I feel I'm not 'complete' because I am not a mum? No, I don't.  I don't think I need to go through pregnancy, childbirth, stretchmarks(battlescars!) and being called a mum to feel 'complete'. 

To me, being a complete woman means I enjoy being a woman and am proud of the fact that I am a woman. I can cry and laugh, and whine and wail at whim, be a damsel in distress, wear pretty dress, play with make up, flirt with my eyes, act coy, change light bulbs, complain about being fat and not lose weight, drool at Edward in Twilight, dream of Mr Darcy... I'm a COMPLETE woman. 

This reminds me, I get really annoyed when friends welcome you to the Married Club or to the Mummy's Club.  ???     Some people think it's an upgrade. I think it's rude. When you are single, they ask you when you're going to have a boyfriend.  When you have a boyfriend, they want to know when you're getting married. When you finally find yourself a husband, they pressure you about children.  And when you think you're done because you have children, they now want to know when you're going to be a grandmother!!!  It's a neverending story, guys!  So STOP IT!!!! It's annoying!!!!  

Stop picking on friends who are single, unmarried or childless, people..... All in good time! It will all fall in place. What you want may not be what your friends want. Leave them alone!!!!!


Mrs. Manson said...

Hey, B. I can totally understand your situation because I have the same pair of shoes you're in. :)

When I started reading your journal, I thought for a second that you wanted to talk about being a mama. Then, I realised you're talking about the same feeling I've had. Like you, I'm happily married for 5 years now.

At one stage in my life, I really thought I was a loser because I'm not a mom yet, when all the cousins and friends surround me who got married later, had kids one after another, My MIL started persuaded me to adopt a child to give me "luck" because that's what the Kadazans believe in. Yeah, you bet I did -- I adopted 2 puppies instead. But guess what I heard? Bagus kalau anjing boleh pergi sekolah...

Thank God just when I was disheartened by this situation, my hubby was super, super supportive, truly the one who accepts me and loves me just as I am. And he accepts the fact that we might not be parents now but we are happily married and we're best friends for each other. He wants me to be happy just being me.

p/s: I am happy and I love my puppies, I become a good dog parent and teach them well and make them happy dogs. So who cares what others'd say? ;)

Bea said...

Mrs Manson,
nah.... I'm not worried nor am I sad about the fact that I don have children. I love my life! the moment, I'm quite happy playing with other ppl's children and then GIVE THEM BACK! hehe... btw, where and how do you get children to adopt??? let me know...One day, I will adopt but until that day comes, I'm happy having hubby all to myself! :-)

escape2 said...

yes yes yes! leave me alone!!!! i dun want to get into a relationship just because the rest of you have one. well said bea!

Post a Comment