It's 1.40am now and here I am blogging... sigh... try as I may, I couldn't sleep and didn't want to wake Rick so I came out here to blog about my thoughts... about what's keeping me up...
It's been a year and a month plus since my gramdma's passing away. For some reason tonight, as soon as I put my book away, turned the lights out and closed my eyes, I thought of my grandmother... of her funeral, her last few weeks in the hospital, a few months back before that and then further back... ... ... and soon... ... ... the tears came.
I guess I still miss her. And either the last weeks of her life has been more traumatic for me or her presence in my life was such a fixture that it really didn't cross my mind that she would leave so quick and I still don't know how to deal with the hole... I don't know. I still can't think or talk about it for very long before I start tearing up again.
Not that I was a very good granddaughter when she was alive cos I didn't visit her on a regular basis... nor did I go visit her when her condition turned worse. I was afraid. I didn't want to remember her being frail... sigh...
There are lots more I want to say and record down here... ... ... but I can't. I don't have the words to, nor do I have the courage. Maybe one day I will... when it hurts less... ... ...
I guess I still miss her. And either the last weeks of her life has been more traumatic for me or her presence in my life was such a fixture that it really didn't cross my mind that she would leave so quick and I still don't know how to deal with the hole... I don't know. I still can't think or talk about it for very long before I start tearing up again.
Not that I was a very good granddaughter when she was alive cos I didn't visit her on a regular basis... nor did I go visit her when her condition turned worse. I was afraid. I didn't want to remember her being frail... sigh...
There are lots more I want to say and record down here... ... ... but I can't. I don't have the words to, nor do I have the courage. Maybe one day I will... when it hurts less... ... ...
1 comments:
hey, it's not wrong to remember those times and cry a little. I just lost my grandma this year too and my little brother last year. I think we have our fair share of happy and sad moments. I miss my grandma too. and especially my brother who died so young. Still have those kinda feelings. So i do understand u.
Post a Comment